


Dear Patience

by loveisallyouneed21



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Husbands, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, negative self-talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveisallyouneed21/pseuds/loveisallyouneed21
Summary: David’s anxiety overwhelms him and he needs some time alone to process how he is feeling.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	Dear Patience

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Dear Patience by Niall Horan

It was the first time since Alexis left for New York that she was back in Schitt’s Creek. She was staying at David and Patrick’s house, but had plans halfway through her weeklong visit to sleep over at Twyla’s for a “cute little night in with her best friend”. David and Patrick drove Alexis over to the creek where they were meeting Twyla. After Patrick helped move Alexis’ overnight bags from his car to Twyla’s, they all walked down towards the water where Twyla had set up a little picnic lunch for the four of them to enjoy. 

David closes his eyes, tilts his head up to the sky and soaks in the sun’s warmth. The food is all gone and they are enjoying spending the afternoon together, letting casual conversation flow. David brings his head back down and opens his eyes to take in his surroundings. He can hear Twyla telling a story about one of her cousin’s, but he isn’t really paying attention. 

While watching the shadows of the trees dance over the water, David starts to feel uncomfortable. He pushes the sleeves of his sweater up and begins playing with his engagement rings. His stomach turns as the unsettling feeling heightens. He looks around at his surroundings to figure out what’s causing him to react like this, but he can’t find anything. He lets go of his rings and brushes his fingers against his wrist where he can feel his rapid heart beat. 

David closes his eyes again. It’s not a panic attack, he would know if it were. His anxiety is just spiking really high all of a sudden, that’s all that’s happening. David opens his eyes again and tries some of his calming techniques; he uses his 5 senses to try and ground himself, he tries foursquare breathing, he tries counting backwards from 100 by 3s, but nothing is working. 

David pulls his sleeves over his hands and wraps his arms around his stomach. Alexis gives David a concerned look before asking, “David, are you okay?” 

Now that Alexis has brought the group’s attention to him, David scrambles to come up with a reply. David laughs lightly, “Yeah I’m fine. My stomach just hurts a little, but I’m okay.” He convinces himself that it’s not a lie, since his stomach really is hurting, but he still feels a little guilty when Patrick looks at him. 

“I think I have some antacids in the car. Want me to go check?” Patrick offers. 

David shakes his head before saying, “That’s not necessary. I’ll go. I wanted to grab my sunglasses anyway and as long as I’m already up there I can check.” 

Patrick reaches into his pocket and hands David the keys before Twyla starts a new story about a different cousin of hers. When David gets back to the parking lot, he unlocks their car and climbs into the passenger seat. He locks the doors behind him and curls up into a ball on the seat. He doesn’t know why, but he is convinced that if he can curl up small enough and tight enough he can push the anxiety away. 

David knows he has been sitting here too long, but his anxiety hasn’t lessened at all. He hears a tap on his window and opens his eyes to see Patrick looking in at him. David unlocks the doors and Patrick opens the passenger side door before crouching down next to David. 

Patrick reaches his hand out to brush through David’s hair while asking, “Still not feeling better?” 

David shakes his head. 

“Want to go home?” Patrick asks next. 

David nods his head. 

“Okay, I’ll go tell the girls that you still aren’t feeling well so we’re heading home.” Patrick kisses David’s forehead before saying, “I’ll be right back.”

When Patrick returns he slides into the driver’s seat and starts the car. He watches as David uncurls so he can buckle his seatbelt, not missing David’s watery eyes and the one tear that sneaks it’s way down his cheek. 

“Baby, are you sure you’re okay? Cause if it hurts this badly something might really be wrong.” Patrick panics while reaching for David’s hand. 

A few more tears escape before David mutters, “I’m sure. My stomach does hurt, but it hurts in the way it does when I’m anxious. It is just my anxiety causing the stomach pain. I’m okay. I just want to go home.” 

Patrick gives David’s hand a quick squeeze before pulling out of the parking lot. When they get home, David shuffles into the kitchen for some water before heading to the staircase. David looks at Patrick, “I’ll be fine,” he says, “I just need some time by myself.” 

Patrick nods and says, “Of course love. Take as much time as you need, I’ll be down here.” 

When David gets to their bedroom he drinks some water before curling into a ball in the middle of the bed. He lies still as his thoughts consume him. He isn’t sure how much time passes, but he eventually sits up and reaches for his water again. When he places his water back on his nightstand he notices his journal tucked under some magazines. 

David doesn’t write in his journal on a regular basis. He keeps it near his bed for those times when he has so many thoughts running around that he just needs to write them all out to calm his mind. He reaches for his journal and puts pen to paper until he feels settled enough to fall asleep. 

David wakes up from his nap and grabs his journal before going down the stairs to find Patrick. He sees Patrick standing at the kitchen counter, so David drops his journal on the table and walks up behind his husband, winding his arms around Patrick. Patrick turns in David’s embrace so he can return the hug and they stand there in comfortable silence, enjoying being wrapped up in each other. 

Eventually David pulls away and reaches for his journal. David looks into Patrick’s warm brown eyes before looking down at his journal. He flips open to a page and runs his fingers over it. Without looking up he says, “I wrote you something. I was going to give it to you to read, to explain about earlier, but when I woke up I realized my handwriting isn’t very legible. I must’ve been writing too fast, but at least I’m feeling better.” 

Patrick hums lightly, “Well you don’t have to explain anything to me, but if you still want me to have the letter, maybe you could read it to me?” 

David looks up again and gives Patrick a shy smile before reaching for his hand and leading them into the living room. They settle into the couch and David rests his journal in his lap. 

David takes a deep breath and begins: 

“Dear Patrick, 

I’m sorry about this afternoon. I’m pretty sure this is the first time I haven’t sought out your comfort and I want to make sure you know it has nothing to do with you. I just get this way sometimes when my anxiety comes out of nowhere, where I need space to process everything and let the anxiety run it’s course because I know that it will eventually pass. 

When we were at the creek it was like one second I was fine and the next second I wasn’t and I didn’t know why. I tried some calming techniques, but they weren’t helping. I went to the car and tried to make myself as small as possible, but that didn’t help either. I’m sorry I lied and worried you. 

I feel even more out of control when this happens because if I don’t know where the anxiety is coming from it’s harder for me to figure out how to help myself and if I don’t know how to help myself how am I supposed to tell someone else how they can help me.

I’m really mad at myself for letting my anxiety ruin our afternoon. We were having such a nice time down by the creek and it’s my fault it got all fucked up. I’m frustrated at myself for not being able to identify a trigger of any kind. I feel so stupid not being able to figure it out, or maybe there was no trigger, in which case I was panicking over nothing. I’m upset with myself for not being able to calm myself down faster. By now I should have a better grip on my anxiety.

I’ve also been thinking of how grateful I am to be with you. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for respecting me when I said I needed space. Thank you for being so patient with me. 

Love,   
David”

When David looks up he notices that Patrick is tearing up. David rushes to say, “Oh no, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry.”

Patrick shakes his head, “Baby, you don’t need to say sorry, I always want to know how you feel.” He pauses to collect his thoughts before saying, “You didn’t ruin anything, none of this is your fault and you’re not stupid. You just started therapy again a few weeks ago and I’m so proud of you, but you can’t expect to have all of your anxiety figured out. It’s just your thanking me for being patient with you and I just hope you can learn how to be more patient with yourself.” 

Patrick pulls David in for a tight hug and says, “I just love you so much.”

David let’s out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he says, “I know. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore a part of newly living together, which is alone time. I think in the past when David was anxious he would either seek out comfort from Patrick or he would go back to the motel to sort things out himself. Now that the motel isn’t an option David has to ask for alone time and I wanted to show what that might look like and I wanted to include Patrick being a supportive partner who understands and respects David’s request. I also wanted to show how Patrick is patient with David, even when David is having trouble being patient with himself. 
> 
> Side note: I was very happy the other day when I realized I live down the road from a creek that’s name starts with an s. I’ve been there many times before, but it was on my last visit that I realized maybe this is my own version of Schitt’s Creek. I don’t know, I’m a dork, but it made me happy.


End file.
